Dixon-Ratzlaff Family Blogs

The Worst Dinner Party…

by on Oct.15, 2011, under Imagined Images & Other Tricks with Mirrors

Mom is prepping a turkey about the size of my hand and having major issues. She insists that I cancel my classes so I can stay and help. There is a huge gathering out at The Ranch with various foods. Mom and I prep eats all day and put everything in a huge wall length oven to keep warm. In a fit of confusion she puts the turkey in and it never cooks proper. I am disgusted trying to carve through the raw meat. I know it was a simple mistake but can't help but be irritated at the wasted time. 

There is a huge fireworks display outside and UFO's and all kinds of wondrous things. I am angry, again, trying to get David out of the house to see, but he is too busy eating cheese and watching telly with Nanna. She keeps insisting "He's too little to care about those types of things, anyway." My only retort to him is, "Fine pal. Have it your way." I go out and watch a shower of falling stars. 
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Zoo…

by on Oct.15, 2011, under Imagined Images & Other Tricks with Mirrors

I see Edwardo for the first time in years. He is looking healthy and wearing a khaki zoo employee uniform. He carries a red-tailed hawk in a net. I tell him I miss him and we walk together for a 1/2 block. He stops in front of a group of other kahkied zoo employees. He drops the hawk into a deep puddle. She settles to the bottom and I can see her breathing, but know she's going to die in there. A different zoo employee apologizes that I had to see this, but the hawk was dangerous and had to be put down. Ed vanishes in the confusion and the crowd and I realize he only walked with me out of politeness. 

Teeth

I dream about several of my teeth cracking and falling out. I am horrified at my white trash look and the pain. Dan finds some temporary teeth at Walmart. They remind me a lot of press on-nails, except you stick them to your gums. I attend a fancy dress party with a bunch of women I don't know who are snarky about my weight and teeth behind my back. 


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Zoo…

by on Oct.15, 2011, under Imagined Images & Other Tricks with Mirrors

I see Edwardo for the first time in years. He is looking healthy and wearing a khaki zoo employee uniform. He carries a red-tailed hawk in a net. I tell him I miss him and we walk together for a 1/2 block. He stops in front of a group of other kahkied zoo employees. He drops the hawk into a deep puddle. She settles to the bottom and I can see her breathing, but know she's going to die in there. A different zoo employee apologizes that I had to see this, but the hawk was dangerous and had to be put down. Ed vanishes in the confusion and the crowd and I realize he only walked with me out of politeness. 

Teeth

I dream about several of my teeth cracking and falling out. I am horrified at my white trash look and the pain. Dan finds some temporary teeth at Walmart. They remind me a lot of press on-nails, except you stick them to your gums. I attend a fancy dress party with a bunch of women I don't know who are snarky about my weight and teeth behind my back. 


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Odd Mystery Tour…

by on Oct.12, 2011, under Imagined Images & Other Tricks with Mirrors

Chris and I just vanish on a magical mystery tour. I have only $200 but sure am enjoying the time away from home. We eat out, daily, have an awesome hotel room, and except for money worries I have a lot of fun.

The Contest:

I enter a hot-dog eating contest and am doing amazing. Dan, David, Chris, and Doug are there to cheer me on. They run out of hot-dogs after I beat  the former champion. They decide to change the event to a smoking contest. I am given a cig to produce as much smoke as I can do, but the former champ is allowed a huge hookah. Each contest is changed and stacked in the champs favor. Very annoying. 

Shopping: 

Chris and I are shopping for goods (apparently still on holiday) at a Dillon's. I have my laptop with me which I foolishly leave in the cart when I return the cart to the store. I rush back for it just in time to see a couple of employees stashing it under their coats., trying to smuggle it out. I tell them, "I need my laptop, please" and they sheepishly hand it over. One girl turns to the other and says, "NOW what are we going to do??" Her friend glumly replies, "I guess we're going to have to work." Chris claims this is a classic example of why she hates shopping at Dillon's. This stuff happens all the time. 

The Church:

We are at an oddly constructed Gothic/Country cathedral for some sort of pot-luck reunion. Patty is there doting on her nieces in a annoying way. I wander away from the group into some of the deeper darker recesses of the cathedral. I am standing on a balcony overlooking the most beautiful pool of water I have ever seen. I can't resist plunging in. I am greeted by a very skinny black furred wolf who leads me even deeper into this place. I am forced to lay on an alter and am ravaged in not and entirely unpleasant way by this werewolf.  


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Odd Mystery Tour…

by on Oct.12, 2011, under Imagined Images & Other Tricks with Mirrors

Chris and I just vanish on a magical mystery tour. I have only $200 but sure am enjoying the time away from home. We eat out, daily, have an awesome hotel room, and except for money worries I have a lot of fun.

The Contest:

I enter a hot-dog eating contest and am doing amazing. Dan, David, Chris, and Doug are there to cheer me on. They run out of hot-dogs after I beat  the former champion. They decide to change the event to a smoking contest. I am given a cig to produce as much smoke as I can do, but the former champ is allowed a huge hookah. Each contest is changed and stacked in the champs favor. Very annoying. 

Shopping: 

Chris and I are shopping for goods (apparently still on holiday) at a Dillon's. I have my laptop with me which I foolishly leave in the cart when I return the cart to the store. I rush back for it just in time to see a couple of employees stashing it under their coats., trying to smuggle it out. I tell them, "I need my laptop, please" and they sheepishly hand it over. One girl turns to the other and says, "NOW what are we going to do??" Her friend glumly replies, "I guess we're going to have to work." Chris claims this is a classic example of why she hates shopping at Dillon's. This stuff happens all the time. 

The Church:

We are at an oddly constructed Gothic/Country cathedral for some sort of pot-luck reunion. Patty is there doting on her nieces in a annoying way. I wander away from the group into some of the deeper darker recesses of the cathedral. I am standing on a balcony overlooking the most beautiful pool of water I have ever seen. I can't resist plunging in. I am greeted by a very skinny black furred wolf who leads me even deeper into this place. I am forced to lay on an alter and am ravaged in not and entirely unpleasant way by this werewolf.  


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A Trip to Remember:

by on Oct.12, 2011, under Imagined Images & Other Tricks with Mirrors

Dan, David, and I are in London. For several days David and I are confined to a hotel room while Dan attends work conferences. I am angry because I want to get out and explore The City, but I'm not allowed. I am plagued by poverty and camera malfunctions. When we finally do go out, none of the natives speak. At all. All transactions are conducted by strange gestures, etc. We haven't money to go out to eat and much of the day is spent preparing elaborate meals with unfamiliar ingredients in the hotel room. A grocer silently tries to sell us an exotic type of zucchini I've never seen, but Dan insists is one of his favorites. There is a hassle because I'd like to buy some green onions, but I am not allowed as I'm an American. I finally convince Dan that perhaps we could go see The Tower. When we arrive we find it's been bought by Disney and has been painted garish colors and that there are cartoon characters running about. David and I wait patiently outside of pubs while Dan pops in for a pint. He refuses to watch David so I can go in and wet my whistle. We fight a bit and I am relieved when the whole vacation is over. 
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A Trip to Remember:

by on Oct.12, 2011, under Imagined Images & Other Tricks with Mirrors

Dan, David, and I are in London. For several days David and I are confined to a hotel room while Dan attends work conferences. I am angry because I want to get out and explore The City, but I'm not allowed. I am plagued by poverty and camera malfunctions. When we finally do go out, none of the natives speak. At all. All transactions are conducted by strange gestures, etc. We haven't money to go out to eat and much of the day is spent preparing elaborate meals with unfamiliar ingredients in the hotel room. A grocer silently tries to sell us an exotic type of zucchini I've never seen, but Dan insists is one of his favorites. There is a hassle because I'd like to buy some green onions, but I am not allowed as I'm an American. I finally convince Dan that perhaps we could go see The Tower. When we arrive we find it's been bought by Disney and has been painted garish colors and that there are cartoon characters running about. David and I wait patiently outside of pubs while Dan pops in for a pint. He refuses to watch David so I can go in and wet my whistle. We fight a bit and I am relieved when the whole vacation is over. 
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Wolf Creek After Hours:

by on Aug.12, 2011, under Imagined Images & Other Tricks with Mirrors

David let's him in while I'm dozing and I don't know that we have company. He's having a cigarette in the living room, and they are watching naked wrestling on the telly; I'm not the best mom in the world, but this pisses me off a bit. He proceeds to tell me that if I can scrape together $11 I can join him at Wolf Creek after midnight for a huge tweak party; I politely decline, and can't help worrying about the public's safety... 
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Wolf Creek After Hours:

by on Aug.12, 2011, under Imagined Images & Other Tricks with Mirrors

David let's him in while I'm dozing and I don't know that we have company. He's having a cigarette in the living room, and they are watching naked wrestling on the telly; I'm not the best mom in the world, but this pisses me off a bit. He proceeds to tell me that if I can scrape together $11 I can join him at Wolf Creek after midnight for a huge tweak party; I politely decline, and can't help worrying about the public's safety... 
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Harry Floyd, Excavation, and Art…

by on Aug.12, 2011, under Imagined Images & Other Tricks with Mirrors

 Old Homestead:

A man sits in the old dinning room out at The Ranch frantically trying to wrap up some paperwork and spell my aunt's first name- "So that's C-h-o-r-l-a is it?" An old friend of S.'s plays air guitar in the blue kitchen and tries to convince me that he's a HUGE Harry Floyd fan; he used to listen to Dark Side of The Moon on repeat play for hours back in his younger days. Mom is exhausted and hopes Dad and Dan get home, soon, from fishing so she can go to bed; she is tired of knitting...

The Dig: 

We are in the car and Dad randomly turns East onto the prairie so he can show us the new development that's sprung up just a stone's throw away from the house. There are many wondrous artifacts that have been found while digging and a museum/gift-shop that's open but incomplete as the biddy women running it can't agree on a theme. I sit on the prairie for a long time going through the rubble of a burn-site trying to find some charcoal for drawing and am disappointed as each likely piece I grab crumbles to ash in my hands. 

Critic: 

I have spent months completing an absolutely brilliant surrealist painting, but Dan is utterly unimpressed at its unveiling. He tries desperately to sway everyone's attention by telling strange stories about the neighbors who used to live below us at "our apartment". His story concludes with a rant about how he (to this day) can't stand heat coming up through the floorboards. 
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