Dixon-Ratzlaff Family Blogs

Angel and Random Dude show up. They are hanging out in Dan's office when I wake from napping with the baby. "Hi. I'm so happy you're here, but how did you get in??" "Asia, I KNOW how to pick a lock. Jeez. We're here to help with the new house. Guy, here, is an INSPECTOR."

Ride with them to Neosho house. At first everyone is just excited and pleased with how cool the place is. But then things start going twisty. The house becomes HUGE and keeps morphing and shifting. Endless rooms, endless stairways, endless halls, countless doors. The "owners" are trying much too hard to push me to sign contracts.

Uncle Fedora has a New York accent and is dressed in wild clothes. Uncle Cigar is pushy and leering. Aunt Karen keeps shoving paperwork at me, demanding I sign because my family is "Destined to live in this house." Creepy Kids pretend to be sick while insisting this is the BEST *cough* house *cough* to be stuck home in. *cough* They giggle when I ask why thier parents are making them do this shit. Rooms upon rooms with lavish, but dated furniture. I best remember the "small" upstairs dining room that was the size of a football field. The walls were green and the pink carpeted room was studded with white tables and flower center pieces. Upstairs from here is a full on, staffed, full of overly gleeful children, skating rink. ("Even if you don't like to skate, look at all of this SPACE...")

One upstairs closet is even creepier than the basement kill room... It houses a dripping black void.

Inspector Guy tells me we can't buy. The house is sinking into the ground. He vanishes after telling me. Am 99% sure the entities calling themselves "owners" or maybe the house itself ate him.

As creepy as this all was, it was also vaguely comedic. Everything was just so over the top. Also: Just how STUPID do you think I am, house?? I'm not signing a DAMN thing until Dan gets back to town. The house was not pleased, but let me go.

Angel and Random Dude show up. They are hanging out in Dan's office when I wake from napping with the baby. "Hi. I'm so happy you're here, but how did you get in??" "Asia, I KNOW how to pick a lock. Jeez. We're here to help with the new house. Guy, here, is an INSPECTOR."

Ride with them to Neosho house. At first everyone is just excited and pleased with how cool the place is. But then things start going twisty. The house becomes HUGE and keeps morphing and shifting. Endless rooms, endless stairways, endless halls, countless doors. The "owners" are trying much too hard to push me to sign contracts.

Uncle Fedora has a New York accent and is dressed in wild clothes. Uncle Cigar is pushy and leering. Aunt Karen keeps shoving paperwork at me, demanding I sign because my family is "Destined to live in this house." Creepy Kids pretend to be sick while insisting this is the BEST *cough* house *cough* to be stuck home in. *cough* They giggle when I ask why thier parents are making them do this shit. Rooms upon rooms with lavish, but dated furniture. I best remember the "small" upstairs dining room that was the size of a football field. The walls were green and the pink carpeted room was studded with white tables and flower center pieces. Upstairs from here is a full on, staffed, full of overly gleeful children, skating rink. ("Even if you don't like to skate, look at all of this SPACE...")

One upstairs closet is even creepier than the basement kill room... It houses a dripping black void.

Inspector Guy tells me we can't buy. The house is sinking into the ground. He vanishes after telling me. Am 99% sure the entities calling themselves "owners" or maybe the house itself ate him.

As creepy as this all was, it was also vaguely comedic. Everything was just so over the top. Also: Just how STUPID do you think I am, house?? I'm not signing a DAMN thing until Dan gets back to town. The house was not pleased, but let me go.